This site and its contents are
(cc)2008 Erik David Even.
Please read the FAQ for more information.

FMD/FAQ
Skip to the FMD (in-character)
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Contact us if you must: webmaster@villainsource.com

Helpful Tip: Customer "service"

Customer Disservice Operator Julie"Thank you for calling the VillainSource Customer Disservice line. Congratulations are in order, since we do not give out this number. What is your 24-digit customer PIN?"

"Yes, sir, I understand that you already entered it in three times."

"What's that sir? You have a complaint? Well, let me familiarize you with our complaints policy.

YOU WILL NOT 'COMPLAIN.' YOU WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT WE SEND YOU, IF WE SEND ANYTHING AT ALL.

Yes, sir, I understand that you are dissatisfied with your Mecha Body Armor."

"Really? Ripped off both your arms and your legs? I'm sorry to hear that, sir. Perhaps you would like to purchase our cyborg upgrade."

"Sir, threatening my life will accomplish nothing -- I probably won't live out the week anyway."

"Sorry, sir, Baron Devastation is headed towards my cubicle. If I don't give him a hummer, he'll shoot me dead."

"No, sir, not the car. Good-bye, and thank you for shopping VillainSource!" <click!>

--Customer Disservice Operator Julie, Customer Disservice Phone Center Henchperson

Frequently Made Demands (FMD)

What is VillainSource.com?

VillainSource.com is a web site dedicated to fulfilling the needs of the supervillain community. We also provide products for despots, terrorists, criminals, and right-wing organizations. We are affiliated with www.amievilornot.com, www.henchjobs.com, www.evilrealtor.com, and www.fatalmatch.com. This web site is owned and operated by World Domination LLC.

Is VillainSource.com a real site?

Of course, you stupid putz. What kind of a dumbass would take all the time to fake a site like this?

Is this the same site that used to be VillainSupply?

Yes.

Well, what happened to VillainSupply?

It was shut down by the Absolute Defender, and Doctor Despayr was banished from the Earth. But you can't keep a good villain down, and we're back.

What is World Domination LLC?

World Domination LLC is a shadowy cabal of superpowered supervillains allied for a single purpose -- to take over the world, or to destroy it.

I think that VillainSupply.com is a really cool site. Can I link to it?

We're gratified that you think our site is "cool." We hope you think it's "cool" when we unleash our artificial bunyavirus into your town's water supply. It painfully melts all your skin off, but usually doesn't kill you. It's not part of the Master Plan -- just a fun little prank we're planning.

I'm pretty villainous, and I'd like to participate in the creation of this site. What can I do?

While we are always recruiting replacement henchpersons, our supervillainy projects are fully staffed at this time. You can, however, participate in the Forum, or send us your ideas at webmaster@villainsource.com. Your e-mail will be immediately forwarded to the appropriate Delete Bin.

I have a great product for you to sell. Will you distribute it for me?

If your product were really that great, we would have already thought of it. But if we were for some reason interested in your lame-ass product, we would be happy to steal the idea and sell it without you. You can post your ideas in the Forum, or send us an e-mail: webmaster@villainsource.com

Will your e-commerce server ever be up and running again?

Ask the Justice Jammers. They have our henchlawyers all tied up in the World Court at the Hague, trying to claim that our computer equipment is "evidence." That's how the U.S. Secret Service got Steve Jackson back in 1990 -- he was about a week away from seizing control of NORAD with his Apple II.

Some of your prices are listed in currencies that no longer exist, such as the Deutschmark. Do you accept the Euro?

Are you kidding? Do you know who's behind the Euro? Do you think we're going to help our rivals take over the world? That's why we don't accept the Euro, we don't use Microsoft products, and we don't collect "Magic" cards.

Do you sell VillainSource related items, such as T-shirts, bumper stickers, and collectibles?

No. Go away.

I'm having trouble placing an order on the main VillainSource site. What should I do?

That's because the e-commerce server is down, dumbass. So what should you do? Kill yourself and save us the effort.

I'm having trouble placing an order on one of your affiliate sites (Amazon.com or AllPosters.com). What should I do?

Talk to them. Why should we care? You buy a hundred bucks of merchandise, we get 3 cents. Whoo hoo!

You don't seem to care much about your customers. Is that any way to run a business?

You're not too quick on the uptake, are you? We're villains. Scofflaws. Ne'er-do-wells. We don't care about anybody. Except ourselves. And if you think any other web site or corporation selling you overpriced crap you don't need actually cares about you, then you're a drooling 'tard.

Anyway, it doesn't matter what you think of us. One day, YOU WILL ALL BOW DOWN BEFORE US.

One of your product listings refers to the sun as an "M"-class star. Did you know that Sol is in fact a "G"-class star?

Maybe to your primitive Earth science. But anyone with an I.Q. over 320 knows that your puny yellow sun is in fact an "M"-class star. It is also an intelligent plasma life form, bent on consuming all the planets in your solar system, including your miserable Earth. We're in negotiations with it now to join our team.

In one of your product listings, you refer to sharks laying eggs. Did you know that Great White sharks reproduce via aplacental viviparity? They give birth to 2-14 fully-formed pups that are up to 5 feet (1.5 m) long.

Our Great White sharks lay eggs.

Violence Princess Ai is really kawaii (cute)! Can I meet her?

Violence Princess AI is pretty darn cute. She also kills every man she sleeps with, usually through some painful, slow and gruesome sexual perversion. Still want to meet her?

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Wait. If this is the FAQ, what was that whole thing I just read?

That was the FMD, and it was "in-character." The FAQ is the only part of the site that is "out-of-character."

What is VillainSource.com?

VillainSource.com is a parody web site, created and maintained by Erik David Even. The idea for it came from a conversation at a party; we were wondering where supervillains got all that cool stuff like robot henchmen and volcano lairs. Somebody suggested that I create parody web site to answer the question, and he was shocked when a few months later when I actually did it; www.villainsupply.com launched in 2002. www.amievilornot.com, www.henchjobs.com, www.evilrealtor.com, www.fatalmatch.com and www.worlddominationllc.com were extensions of this site.

After a hiatus, the site has returned as www.villainsource.com.

Is VillainSource.com a real site?

Of course not. Over the last year, I've received a dozen e-mails from people who think it is, or are at least unsure. Please, stop and think for a moment -- a real web site that sells nuclear weapons?? I wish.

Is this the same site that used to be VillainSupply?

Yes.

Well, what happened to VillainSupply?

A lot of things conspired to shut down VillainSupply. But the most important one was a mistake made by Onestop.net, the former host -- they screwed up and lost my domain name. Don't use onestop.net.

What is World Domination LLC?

A fake company.

I think that VillainSupply.com is a really cool site. Can I link to it?

Contrary to what some asshats think, you don't need permission to link to a web site. So feel free.

If you want to do a reciprocal link, drop me a line at webmaster@villainsource.com. I also have link graphics, if you want them.

I'm pretty villainous, and I'd like to participate in the creation of this site. What can I do?

You can participate in the Forum, or send me your ideas at webmaster@villainsource.com. I claim ownership of anything sent to me, however, unless you specifically protect it under a Creative Commons share-alike license.

I have a great product for you to sell. Will you distribute it for me?

I'm not selling anything right now. I want to see how the VillainSource "re-boot" goes.

Will your e-commerce server ever be up and running again?

The "broken e-commerce" thing is a joke, to explain why you can't buy any of the nuclear weapons or alien mecha on the site.

Do you sell VillainSource related items, such as T-shirts, bumper stickers, and collectibles?

Not right now. Maybe later.

I'm having trouble placing an order on the main VillainSource site. What should I do?

Again, it's not a real site. The funny banner ads on each page do not lead anywhere, and no, I'm not under investigation by Interpol. Parody. Look it up.

I'm having trouble placing an order on one of your affiliate sites (Amazon.com or AllPosters.com). What should I do?

Unfortunately, you'll have to talk to them. I have no control over that.

You don't seem to care much about your customers. Is that any way to run a business?

That's just part of the joke. Every part of this site except for this FAQ is "in-character"; that is, operating under the conceit that supervillains are in charge.

One of your product listings refers to the sun as an "M"-class star. Did you know that Sol is in fact a "G"-class star?

I was confused by "Star Trek," which refers to the Earth as an "M"-class planet. It's pretty embarrassing, since I actually know a fair bit about Astronomy and Cosmology.

In one of your product listings, you refer to sharks laying eggs. Did you know that Great White sharks reproduce via aplacental viviparity? They give birth to 2-14 fully-formed pups that are up to 5 feet (1.5 m) long.

Oops.

Violence Princess AI is really kawaii (cute)! Can I meet her?

Actually, I've used two different Japanese models to represent VPA, and I don't know who they are.

www.villainsource.com is owned and operated by World Domination LLC, a consortium of organizations devoted to the consolidation of global capital by a single cabal or individual. Member organizations include The Trilateral Commission, The Bilderberger Group, Alternative 3, The World Zionist Conspiracy, VilAnon, The International Union of Mad Scientists, Majestic-12, World Freemasonry, SMERSH/The Second Soviet, Switzerland, The Arctic Nazis, The Hellfire Club, Price/Waterhouse/Coopers, Sanrio, Archer/Daniels/Midland, Dr. DeSpayr, The U.S. Military-Industrial Complex, and Amway. ©2008 A.D. (-17 N.W.O.) World Domination LLC. Contact us, if you must waste our time: webmaster@villainsource.com.

Privacy Policy: VillainSource reserves the right to obtain the e-mail address, name, location, blood type, political affiliation, dirty sexual secrets, and any other information of any kind about every visitor to this site, with or without their so-called "permission." We own you. However, VillainSource and its parent cabal, World Domination LLC, will never share this information with any other person, cabal, corporation, or entity. It's ours. Our own. Our precious.

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